Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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