And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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