dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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