I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
