I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you had me at cake vodka
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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