Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
