DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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