I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
