The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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