i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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