How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
