Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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