well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
