Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
