You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
