how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
