Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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