I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
