she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
