Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
