I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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