The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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