i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
