oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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