She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Holy sore nipples Batman
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
