i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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