Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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