Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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