I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
