I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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