There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I would fuck him just for his dog
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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