My first STD was from a foam party
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
