what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
