if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
