oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
