PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize