No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
