he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
