you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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