So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
