so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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