I didn't shave. On purpose
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
