I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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