Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
