Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
