Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
