well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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