He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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