I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think i have two assholes
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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