Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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