don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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