my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
