saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize