would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
