and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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