And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize