I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
