if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
