I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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