I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
