so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
false alarm. still invincible.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize