I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
