: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
