Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
