Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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