i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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