I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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