"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize