I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
