You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
