he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
