id be glad to
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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