Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
