That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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