I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my being single is dangerous.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
