I got chris browned last night
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
