Apparently you make a good broom.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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