I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
