I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
