Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
