I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
