you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
