It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
