Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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