Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize