did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
