Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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