I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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