The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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