I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
