I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
