seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize