Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize