once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
