The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
