He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
