Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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