escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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