I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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