shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
