i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
