I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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