HIV tests are more positive than that guy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
