I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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