I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
