There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
