My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
